The Finishing Touches

Time to put the finishing touches on our wellness toolbox. We have put in all our basic tools now, let's put in the rest of the little stuff that makes a difference.

First, if you have a written safety plan with your therapist or psychiatrist, keep a copy in here to remind you of it. This way you always know where it is. 

On to the fun stuff. These are the things I like to keep nearby or actually in the toolbox tub. 

Feel free to pick and choose. 

playdough         mood jar (directions here)          journal

coloring book(s)       markers/pens                      colored pencils

Sudoku                     Fave book(s)                       Fave movie(s)

Magazine(s)             Fave Game                          Daily routine

Fave music              Soothing Music                   Recorded Guided Meditations

Soothing Scents/ lotions                                     Pictures that make you happy

Stones/Crystals        A Comfy soft blankets       A Teddy bear 

Stress/Squeeze ball      Bubbles                          Crossword or other word puzzles

Tea/Hot Cocoa            Craft supplies                  watercolor paints and paper 

This is not a complete list. If you have something special that you would like to include, then include it. And, of course, you do not have to include everything on this list. These are just recommendations and you can pick what you would like. There you have it. Fill your tub with all your tools and you are ready to go. Now you have something that you can pull out anytime you fill you need to give yourself a boost. Congratulations on making your toolbox. 

                                          

Adding More Tools for Your Mental Health

As you continue to expand your wellness toolbox, I feel it important to include these few items as well. We are going to continue filling your toolbox so that you are prepared the next time you find yourself in a near crisis state of mind or are having a down or off day. The toolbox is a key component in helping to maintain your mental health. Let's get the really key tools to put into your box.
1) Your Call List.
This is vital to have. Who are you going to call in an emergency? Who are you going to check in with if you are having depressing thoughts or suicidal ideations? Who do you call when you feel unsafe or even just very lonely? Do you know that you can always call 9-1-1 if you feel suicidal? But who will you call after that to have someone by your side. Your therapists' number, your primary care doctor, and your psychiatrist should all be numbers you also have. If you feel unable to take care of yourself, who is going to help you go through your daily routine to make sure you eat, etc?
By creating this list,  you are also deciding who is best at helping you with what needs. Make sure to ask first as some people may feel uncomfortable just being thrown into a situation of tending to you in crisis. Some people cannot handle that and it is your responsibility to check in with people on your list to make sure they are available to you.

2) Notebook or Journal
This is a good item to have for many reasons. Use it to track your mood. Use it to see what triggered the depressed state or even suicidal thoughts. It could be nothing did but write it down. It also comes in handy as a distraction. You can write a gratitude list. Doodle. Write an "I Love" list (listing the items/people that you love). You can just write the same thing over and over again until it is out of your brain if that makes you feel better. Write affirmations until you fill a whole page. Whatever you use it for...or you can you use it for all the above. It is for you to decide but it is a useful tool to have in your box.

3) Joy Vision Board
This isn't like other vision board or collages designed to help you reach for your dreams. This is a board of all the things you like...the things that bring you Joy or delight. Below you will see mine. I love sunrises, sunsets, and clouds. I love the ocean more than I can even say. You can also see I like forests, camping, hanging out with friends, etc. This board is to serve as a reminder of the things you like doing and seeing. When the world feels dark and helpless, it is easy to feel as though there is nothing that can ever bring you joy again. Your board is there to remind you that there are things that bring you joy and happiness. You can write a list as well. I like the board because it is visual and visual cues stimulate different parts of your brain than just the written word, especially when we are in a dark place.

There you have it. A few more tools for your growing toolbox that will help you with your mental health. I will keep posting more tools for you to incorporate so that you will have a well-stocked wellness box. 

Expanding the Wellness Toolbox: Affirmations

We began building our wellness toolbox in the last post. I want to continue building on it until you have a nice set of healthy and useful tools that you can use when mental illness starts to take its hold on you. One of the things that I do is build a list of affirmations that I find useful during the time when depression strikes. I am not talking about the kind that are all about abundance and finding perfect bliss. I am talking about the kind that say things like, "I am healing body, mind, and soul and that is okay." Or "I like the person looking back at me in the mirror."
Here are a few of the ones that I have written and turned into cards that I look at daily.

I find them very useful and inspiring and attainable. Affirmations only work if you believe in them. If it says "I am overflowing with abundance and peace" but you feel like the world is caving in, the affirmation can have the opposite effect. Instead of being useful, it can feel debilitating. I encourage you to either write a list or create some cards. You can use index cards and create mini collages out of them. Then keep them in your tool box with your self-care activities list.

Another tool that I think is important to have in your toolbox is a list of your positive qualities. If you are having a hard time with this, you can always ask friends to help you write it. Another idea would be to have friends fill out index cards for you with your positive qualities that you can keep in your toolbox. However, I still feel that it is important that when you are in a good space to write your own list positive qualities because it can be easier for us to believe when it comes from ourselves. Depression, especially, I noticed, can take someone else's words and wonder, "What did they mean by that?"
Keep both lists from yourself and your loved ones/ friends and review them when you are feeling low and that you have nothing to offer the world. These lists are your proof that you do have something to offer. You might be surprised that the very things you think you have are the very things that your friends notice about you. That is the supporting evidence that what your brain is telling is not true. Near crisis or in crisis, your brain may be telling you that you are not worthy and not a good friend. However, one look at your list and the cards can prove that voice wrong.

Creating a Wellness ToolBox

One of the best things that you can do for yourself when you have a mental illness is to create yourself a toolbox for when you are having a rough time. The toolbox is essential to maintaining good mental health even when depression is trying to suck you in and bring you down. WRAP by Mary Ellen Copeland is a great program for building a toolbox for yourself. However, if you can't get to a WRAP class, which I highly recommend, I have some ideas for you to make your own self- care toolkit. Over the next couple of weeks, I will be bringing you new projects and ideas to add to make your own toolbox.

The first thing that I think is important to do is to create a list of self-care ideas. It is best if most of the ideas are free or low-cost so that you don't have to depend on the money when you are feeling at your lowest. Having something great on your list but not having the money can even make you even more depressed.  Below are some ideas to put onto your own self-care list. Pick ones that you like and write them down. I recommend at least twenty or more ideas so that there is at least one thing you can feel comfortable picking when your mood has you really low.

Go for a walk                       Watch a fave Movie                     Eat a Fave snack
Snuggle a blanket                 Call a friend that you trust           Journal
Paint your nails                    Listen to calm/uplifting music     Meet a friend for coffee
Do a craft project                 Read a book                                 Have a friend come sit with you
Dance to some music           Text Friend(s)                              Play on Pinterest or other sites
Go for a Drive                      Window Shopping                       Read Sunday Comics
Pet an animal                        Eat dark Chocolate                      Do a puzzle
Call A crisis Line                  Call A Warm Line                       Volunteer
Go to a support Group          Have a Cry                                  Take a Nap
Watch a Funny Movie          Make a Gratitude List                  Watch YouTube
Punch a Pillow                     Meditation                                    Pray
*Write a love list                  Review Safety Plan                      Cooking

*Check out what a Love List is!
Alright, go create your list and hold onto it. It might be a good idea to find something like a small shoebox size tub to keep your tools in.

How Creativity Helped Save Me

The body was born to be creative. Think about how it heals itself. Not a single injury or cold will be exactly the same and yet, when called, our body miraculously attempts to heal itself. This is creativity at its most biological form. However for the purpose of this piece I am talking about the varieties of art, music, dance, prayer and meditation that call on our creative soul. 

No one or circumstance has the power to remove creativity from us. I would suspect that if that happened, the results would be devastating. The point of this isn’t to talk about the devastation but rather to help us through when disaster or illness strikes in our lives and we feel helpless or even hopeless. Receiving news of a physical or mental illness can feel as if the world has come crashing down around you. If you are in the middle of depression or other mental health disorder it can feel like a mixed blessing, both an answer for all that is happening inside your head and crushing realization of something taking over your brain that you feel helpless against. I am sure some physical maladies feel the same way as both an answer and a curse. 

How does one stumble through it all when weighed down by the heaviness of depression or caught in the grips of anxiety caused by PTSD? These are the topics I know from personal experience. How does creativity help heal in the middle of these dark places? 

Let me start with some basics that I have gleaned from doing some reading around the internet. There are studies that show that act of creativity changes the brains wave patterns, positively affects the nervous system and affects the neurotransmitters. Creativity can reduce one from stress to relaxation and decrease fear into inspiration (which means working “In spirit”) as well as creating a deeper connection with oneself. 

In my personal experience, Creativity has saved my life. My own story has a past of mixed blessings and deep pain and trauma stemming from domestic violence. This is hard for me to come to grips with and will shock some people as they may not know. I have kept it to myself for a long time. I bring it up now only to demonstrate how crucial creativity was and IS to keeping me alive. I have lived through some serious bouts of depression, to the point of crushing and agonizing pain. PTSD plays its own tricks and when it decides to make its presence known, Creativity keeps me going. Creativity is healing for me. 

A simple and accessible form of healing creativity is Journaling. When I journal, it gets everything that is dark and horrible out of my own head onto the page where it can’t do as much harm. My head should not be entered unattended sometimes so by brain dumping onto the page, I can allow a safe place for all the dangerous and dark thoughts that come into my head. Brain dumping it a way of letting go. Releasing all the toxins AND it also allows one to relive all the good that may have forgotten about during the course of a day. Sometimes I write about something specific and sometimes it’s a random mish mash of thought “stuff”. There are many types of journal prompts as well if you don’t know where to start. Here are a few. 

Sometimes instead I go for Mandala drawing. This refocuses my brain in a completely different way. Allowing my mind to quiet as I focus on the swirls and lines of a specific type of drawing. Coloring is also a way to use creativity to quiet my brain. My mind settles as I follow the details of the picture in front of me. In fact, mandala drawing and adult coloring books are a current trend because of the benefits a person receives from participating in such creativity. This visual medium is also great for when words fail me. For a great tutorial on drawing mandala’s check out Kathryn Costa at 100mandalas.com.

Sometimes, a person takes to the paintbrush, collage work, art journaling, colored pencils and sketchpads because there are things that sometimes are too difficult to say with words. Using visual creative arts as a medium of release leaves the need for verbal explanation behind. Art isn’t right or wrong. It doesn’t need to be corrected. It simply is as it is. Other people find their safety and hope in dance. That is where their personal strength lies. Or perhaps it is in composing or playing music; possibly singing as loud as they can with all the passion they can call upon. 

We are all called to our own creative paths. The beauty of the vast amount of creative choices is the role they can play in healing our hearts and souls when we feel at our worst. I know visual arts are also used in art therapy techniques where the project is guided by a trained therapist to purposefully help a person work through their pain or trauma. Shelley Klammer, at Intuitive Creativity offers some wonderful art prompts for working through emotions. 

At my darkest hour, all I could do was summon the strength to draw mandalas over and over again. My mind was so dark that I couldn’t think to write so I drew instead. I still rely on this practice to keep me centered and focused. It also keeps my anxiety from gaining to much power. I journal most often at bedtime.In fact, I keep two journals: one for brain dumping and one for affirmations, gratitude and positive thinking. I am alive due to the help that creativity gave to me when I needed it most. Yes, there were people who cared but when I was in the space of no longer being able to hear them, then creativity was be able to help. 

Ten Tips on Self -Care When Depression Hits

When depression comes calling, it can knock us down. Sometimes we know it's coming because we pay attention to the signs and symptoms as they emerge for us. How do we handle ourselves when it shows up on our doorstep? What can we do to ease the inner pain that depression so often leaves us in? Here are ten self-care tips that you can use when your depression makes itself known.

1) First, give yourself permission to be easy on yourself. Depression steals away our desire to do much of anything. It can make one feel apathetic towards life in general. When you notice that you are feeling this way, remember, it is a symptom of depression settling in. You are not lazy. You are not incompetent in accomplishing tasks. Your depression has robbed you of the energy and desire to do those things you once had no problem doing. We already endure enough negative self- talk. Don't make it worse by putting yourself down over this symptom.

2) Color or doodle. Be creative. This can seem like a momentous task some days but it does alleviate some of the negative thinking by distracting the brain for a little while. I love coloring when my brain decides to go into a depression fog. I don't have to think or process information. I just focus on the picture in front of me. Creative work has been shown to relieve depressive symptoms. Give yourself permission to try even a little creative activity.

3) Pick a favorite movie and watch it, especially if it is one that will make you smile or laugh. Laughter affects our mood and can for a short time, push depression back. Relax nd enjoy your movie without feeling guilty for indulging in it. This is your mental health you are tending to, not anyone else.

4) Get the negative thoughts out of your head. I have a friend who has created what she calls "the wall of hatred". It is a poster board with sticky notes of all the negative thoughts that run through her head. She found once they were on paper, they weren't repeating over and over again in her head as often. She has also balanced it out by adding positive thoughts about herself to the poster. Maybe you choose to journal those thoughts out or talk to a trusted friend, family member or therapist. I recommend having a journal or someplace to write out your thoughts on top of talking to someone in case a person isn't available right away.

5) Warm shower or bath. Water is soothing, and most people feel relaxed after a shower or bath. I often find if I am having trouble with depression or anxiety, I will take a warm shower and just let the water fall on me. The only purpose of it being to become relaxed and feel better.

6) There are mood boosting foods that have been shown to improve depression. My fave and probably (I think) the best tasting is chocolate. Not just any chocolate but low sugar dark chocolate. It has the antioxidants in it that helps to improve mood. Next on the list Omega- 3 fatty acids like one finds in fish. According to Prevention, there was a nine month study done with bipolar participants and the results were so positive in boosting mood, they ended the study four months early. Other tips include checking your iron or vitamin D levels as a decrease in these key nutrients can also affect your mood.

7) Just move. I know this can feel almost impossible when depression grabs you. However, just doing a little bit of moving has shown to increase your mood. Don't feel like going for a walk outside, try walking around your house for five to ten minutes. Try some yoga or stretching. A mentor I know does Qigong when she needs an energy boost but doesn't feel like doing much. To quote another mentor sometimes, "You take your a## and your brain will follow."

8) Talk to someone. It can be a friend or family member, just someone that you can trust, and have them come hang out with you for a little while. They don't even have to talk. I have found just having someone nearby was enough to give me a little boost. Isolation begets more isolation and ends up making us feel worse and more depressed. So, even if you don't want to talk, invite someone over.

9) Have you created a self- care tool box? This is a key tool when our depression comes on. Keep things in your tool box that remind you that this does not last forever, and things that will improve your mood. Think play-dough, a journal, favorite music or movie.

10) Allow depression to happen. Give yourself permission to take in a full day of doing nothing but laying around with your depression. Recruit someone with a backup plan so this does not become a string of days, preferably someone you will listen to. Sometimes just giving into the depression is what is needed because we are so exhausted fighting it all the time. And I feel that it's okay to allow a day off from fighting as long as we remember to not sink into for days on end.

I have found that these tips work for me when my depression is bad. One or more combined often keep me from staying in bed all the time. What do you do to take care of yourself when your depression hits? I would love to hear from you.

Who Earns the Right to Your Story?

In world that wants you to do your best to cover your flaws, do your best to be seen. It is not easy showing up to the world every day, especially when mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety tell you to stay home, nice and safe, in bed. There will come a time in most of your relationships where it will be necessary to open up about your mental illness. How and when and to whom, is really an individual choice. Brene' Brown has a good rule of thumb..."tell your story to those who have EARNED the right to hear your story."
There are people who are close to me that know my whole story from start to finish, and not only know my diagnosis but also know when to alert me to signs that I am heading for a depression or that I am having irrational anxiety. They are also kind in that they let me have my little idiosyncrasies like taking the seat with its back to the door, so I can see the exit. They also know the plan I have in case I ever feel suicidal again and who is in charge of what aspects of my life and care.
There is the second level of people who know parts of my story in a generic sense. They know I have domestic violence in my background. They also know I have PTSD, depression and anxiety. I have given them enough information so they can understand my background some but they don't know all the little details. Also, this group is not involved in my care plan if something were to happen. Could they come visit me if I got hospitalized? I would decide on a person to person basis.
The next level of people simply know I have different diagnoses. They are not privy to any of the details. This is usual people outside my main circle of friends and includes new acquaintances, the pharmacists or old friends that I have been out of touch with for a while. The conversation regarding my mental illness was glancing at best, usually said because there was something in common with what was shared with me. But nothing more. They have not entered into the level of trust to know my story
The last group...They don't know anything. This group includes my ex (believe or not, he feels that there was no violence in our relationship but he has his own mental health issues), people I have just met and anyone I "run into" or do business with. The place where I sell my cards as no need to know my story. We have a business not friendship relationship. The people I have just met haven't been around long enough to put "marbles in the marble jar," as Brene' Brown says in an analogy regarding trust in her "Anatomy of Trust" speech. People EARN the right to hear my story. I don't hand it out to them. There are a few reasons for that.
If I handed my story over to someone I just met, how do I know they are ready for that kind of story? What if they have their own story they are trying to deal with and mine was too much? What if they are careless with my story by handing it out to anyone who will listen like it was gossip and not my life? What if they simply do not want it? I have met these people. They don't want to others stories. They aren't interested. And, you know what, they don't have to be.
So how do you know who is ready to share your story? Ask yourself these questions:
Will they respect my privacy? Will they hold the story in confidence?
Will they still respect me? Honor my needs and boundaries regarding my story?
Are they reliable? Especially true for anyone who is in the inner circle to help with my emergency crisis plan.
Can they sit with me while I am in distress and not try to cover it up and dismiss it? This is a big one for me as when I was growing up, it was always cover it up so the neighbors won't know. I need someone who can sit with me in the dark and not judge me.
Finally, can they empathize, not sympathize with me? Do they understand? I don't want to be felt sorry for or pitied. I want understanding and patience.
What are your requirements for letting someone in on your story? Write a list if you need to so you know what you want from someone who you are willing to share your story with.