Eight Lessons I have Learned from Domestic Violence and Mental Illness

Eight Lessons I have Learned from Domestic Violence and Mental Illness

1) I have light and dark within me. It is inevitable but it isn't a bad thing. Some of surviving the worst times comes from my darker side. Some of surviving the darkness of depression is from the light.

2) I can only control my own self. As much as one would like to tell someone what to do, each person in only responsible for what they can control and you can only control yourself. I had never had power over his behavior even though for the longest time he had me convinced that I was responsible for how he acted.

3)  I am allowed, entitled even, to have a bad day. I don't mean a Mean, take-it- out-on-someone- else day, but a day where I can't get up or get going. A day that feels blah and empty. They happen. They are a part of recovering from both being a victim of DV as well as depression and other mental illnesses.

4) I am NOT alone. I always thought that I was even when I was being told I wasn't. It wasn't until I really fell into a dark space in my depression, did I really see that I wasn't alone. It was when I finally left him, that I realized I had support all along.

5) Life moves in cycles. Mental illness has a cycle. Domestic Violence has its cycle. Since I have both in my life, I have a cycle of my own. I am learning when my depression is creeping in on me. I have learned the cycle the PTSD does on my self worth and self- esteem. I haven't recovered fully from it but I am learning.

6) Healing takes time. I have been working at it for a couple of years. I am still recovering. I am still learning. I know people who have take six or more years to recover from a mental illness incident because it throws your life so upside down down. I still fight suicidal thoughts on bad days. I don't want to. I am working on it. PTSD is time consuming to heal as well. You have to rebuild a whole world of trust again. That is not an easy task. If you think it is hard trying to trust others, try relearning to trust yourself.

7) No one is Perfect. No ONE! Even if they don't have mental health issues or DV in their past; not a single person is perfect. Nor does everyone have a perfect life. AND I have to stop comparing how I feel inside to what I perceive of their outsides. They may have a good life but they make their own mistakes...have their own vulnerabilities. It is all okay. We were never made to be perfect anyways.

8) The more vulnerable and open I allow myself to be the stronger I am.
     (What?)

  The more I allow my soft gushy side open to the right people (those who have EARNED the right to know my story), the stronger I become. Once the gushy stuff is exposed to the right people, then it can't consume me. It can't eat me alive in shame and guilt. It can't bury me in self-loathing. So in setting it free, I make myself stronger.